we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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