i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize