How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
