If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
