Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
