When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
