Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
