dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
