IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
