I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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