Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jรคger
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
