I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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