Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize