THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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