So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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