He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
