dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
