Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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