and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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