Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
