I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
