I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
