so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
