We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
