he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
