And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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