Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
