he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we should paint friendship bongs
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