he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize