You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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