she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
