Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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