The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
