Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
