OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
COCAINE IS GR8
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
