I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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