I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
