ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
