More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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