yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
