i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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