why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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