I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
