Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
