im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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