And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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