break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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