Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
