Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
