According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
