Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
