I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
