He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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