if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
