CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
