Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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