Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
