Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
