You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
