I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize