Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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