my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
