Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
