U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
