and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
