So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
