Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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