i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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