I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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