i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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