So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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